Love is Pain

And I don't mean the love between human and God. It's between a boy and a girl. I know, different people have their own opinions about love. But, for a girl whom her heart has been broken for sooooo many times, she will never have the special feeling about love. And that is how I feel.

Why is it so easy to be deliberately hurtful when we are in the midst of pain ourselves? I can’t say that I am the innocent one. No, in fact I have had plenty of pain that I have used to lash on others that would definitely leave a mark! Is it human nature to enforce pain on others when we are in the process of being drenched in the same pain? How does that saying go; ‘If you’re not miserable like me, you need to be.’ Not sure if that is a saying or not, but it does make sense. The feeling of being in pain is probably the loneliest place on earth, especially if you can’t find someone who can relate or share the same sense of pain with you. And now when I'm hurting those who love me even when I don’t realize it or see what I am doing, will get them to understand what its like. When I find myself on the other side of the spectrum or when I feel like someone is lashing out on me, or is threatening me, especially if this person is family, it’s easy to take offense, but it’s much harder to be nice and kind when hit over the head by mean words or things said about me that is damaging.

People will always confuse kindness for weakness. I don't know why, but you have to remember that it's always harder to do the right thing, being nice and being a bigger person, than to act out like a child.” It’s just crazy how easy this happens. I am are so afraid to be real with those I love, that I will literally act out like children, when things don’t go my way, or when I have an issue with someone or even just ourselves. I will withdraw any sense of discretion and be destructive to those around me because I myself is broken and hurting. We can’t bare the thought of becoming vulnerable and sharing our hurt and our fears with the ones we love without doing it in the most harsh and abrupt ways to make sure to enforce our pain on others! I want to get out of this cycle. I want to be vulnerable and real with those even if it is painful, without lashing out and without being hurtful to others in the process. It is something that takes time! Really, it does takes time!